Naughty children

Wachanga psychologist Maria Miller has recommendations for parents - how to act in difficult situations and maintain a good relationship with your baby.

It’s pretty typical that children don’t want to obey their parents or grandparents requests. In response to being told what to do, children can start acting capricious, scream and make demands (explicitly or discreetly), for example, to buy them something to make them stop. During these tantrums, relatives have to persuade them.

Let's look at the different conditions of this behavior. Calling a child in a similar situation (when they scream, cry, or need something) spoiled. It’s much more difficult to get to the bottom of this behavior and understand what the baby is actually unhappy about and what they want. This will require an adult’s attention, patience and time.

• First of all, children are naughty when they’re tired. In this case, the advice is simple - consider your baby’s daily regimen. If your child is constantly lacking sleep, or overloaded with activities, this will definitely affect their psychological state and health.
• If your child often seems to be displeased, this could also indicate that they feel they aren’t getting enough love/attention. Listen to your baby: they might ask you to buy them a toy, because they lack your attention. Sometimes children ask for a variety of things and toys, but price is not important to them. Take the initiative and sometimes offer the child something yourself: a lollipop, a set of stickers - something inexpensive, but shows your child you’re being attentive.
• A child of any age is not going to want to clean up their toys, and might not only be stubborn about it, but throw a tantrum. Helping parents is good. But it can also be fun. It’s likely they’ll enjoy it more if you turn it into a game, for example, putting your toys to bed. If it doesn’t work, then leave it as it is, or clean it yourself, but don’t punish your kid or lash out - this will only cause an aversion to cleaning and resentment towards you.
• If you have to negotiate or ask your child to do something often, consider exactly when and why they’re resisting. A baby doesn’t always have to obey their parents; they have their own opinions, and that’s fine, especially if their opinion isn’t harmful.
• There are always rules for children. They cannot make decisions on their own, but in order to do things without being persuaded, a family must have clear rules and rituals on which to rely. Wash your hands before eating and after a walk, brush your teeth in the morning and before bedtime - the child gets used to certain repetitive actions, stability is important for the baby. If a daily routine is at the same time daily when the child goes to sleep for example, this won’t make them upset.
• Think about how often you let your child choose? What plate do they want to eat on? What will you bring to the park? What hat will you wear today? A certain degree of independence in decision making will help your baby better respond to your requests.
• Sometimes, if something really needs to be done, and the child is still being naughty, don’t just give in to their demands. Persuading your child is not worth it. If your baby has to go to bed and stop playing, then it has to happen. But don’t yell if they start to protest - just explain it to them.

Remember that no child wants to be bad, children just want love and attention. Therefore, their bad behavior is either an attempt to defend themselves, or to get your attention by any available means.