Relationship with relatives

Wachanga psychologist gives advice to parents on how to act in difficult situations and maintain a good relationship with their baby.

Your child needs more than just their parents - they need all the important people in their lives. From a very early age, the close environment - relatives - is also important for the development of the baby.

Even during pregnancy, you need to establish certain boundaries with your parents and relatives. Everyone has an opinion, and, most likely, relatives will try to impose their advice on you, because they sincerely want happiness. Despite the fact that this is a valuable experience, certain advice may not only be at the wrong time, but also not suitable for you.

Finding a common language with parents is usually easier than with other relatives. When trying to set boundaries and clear rules, there is always the risk of accidentally hurting someone's feelings.

1. Talk to your partner and make sure you see the desired boundaries in the same way.
2. Discuss your own rules in the family and the functions of childcare and education that you would like to entrust to your family. All this then needs to be discussed with the relatives themselves.
3. Determine who and how can instruct the child (not punish) and encourage, this is an important point in upbringing. There should be no complete permissiveness - the baby needs to be guided, no cruel punishments. A separate topic for conversation is rewarding with sweets. Talk to your family about what is acceptable to you and what is not.

Do not forget: your relatives have good intentions, even if you believe that their advice is bad for you and your baby. The experience can only work within the same family or is outdated. It's up to you to follow their recommendations or reject them. But appreciate the attention that you and your child receive.

How to stop obsessive advice:

1. Explain that you are following your doctor's instructions if it is related to your health.
2. Be clear about your position. Make it clear that you have heard the advice and will take it into consideration if necessary. You do not need to force your parents or relatives to think the same way as you, do not convince you that you are right.
3. If you feel that the care and parenting advice is becoming overly intrusive, calmly communicate that you are upset about this misunderstanding and violation of your parental boundaries. Explain that you do not discount the recommendations of your elders, but that the main decisions as a parent are always yours. It is important to say this clearly and confidently.
4. Try to notice when your child's voice is raised or annoyed. It’s not always easy to react to these outbursts, but it is very important for your baby. The child should feel that you will always protect them.
5. Try not to tell your family that their advice is unwanted, uninteresting, or dangerous. You can talk about how you are doing differently now, but help and support is very valuable to you.

Do not be afraid to include your parents and relatives in your parenting system. Try to set the right tone for the relationship, and this will help raise your baby in an atmosphere of care, kindness, and understanding.