8 Ways to Stop a Family Quarrel

Wachanga psychologist Maria Miller has recommendations for parents - how to act in difficult situations and maintain a good relationship with your baby.

Remember how you feel the moment a quarrel is about to break out. When you or your partner (or both at the same time) are very tense and unhappy for one reason or another. It is important not to suppress your feelings if you need to express something, and not to let problems and discontent build up. But, it’s also important not to snap immediately, and to go about expressing yourself constructively.

The less significant the cause of your issue seems to be, the deeper its true cause and the more strongly suppressed emotions are.

1. Solve one problem at a time. There’s no need to mix in different grievances and blame each other, focus on one problem and try to solve it together.
2. Try to discuss disagreements in private, as a child or an unsuspecting relative may fall "under the hot hand". When the parties involved in a conflict can’t seem to find closure, they often take out their aggression on someone else.
3. Think about how your partner feels. Both you and your partner can be the “victim” of that same biased aggression (instead of, for example, a driver who has not given way).
4. Try to be less emotional. Keeping calm during an argument is pretty difficult,, but try - it will have a noticeable effect.
5. Use self-statements, namely - talk about yourself and your feelings. Avoid statements that relate to the partner’s feelings: “You don’t understand me”, “You are wrong / don’t love / don’t help” and the like. It’s better to say: “When you arrive late from work, I feel unimportant / unwanted (or unloved).”
6. Do not look for a victim in your conflict and do not become a victim yourself, do not refer to your children. Try to discuss grievances and seek compromises, explain your point of view without insulting your spouse.
7. If the degree of tension rises, step away from the argument. For example, like this: "Sorry, I can’t talk right now, it’s hard for me, but I will definitely return to the discussion a little later." Leave the room, apartment (but calmly, without slamming the door), take a walk or just find a distraction. When you feel that you’ve calmed down, return and ask to continue the conversation.
8. Try not to say anything you’ll regret. If you offend your spouse or are offended yourself, then ask for forgiveness when you realize that you regret what you said, or tell them honestly that you were hurt. Set your pride aside in a relationship; speak openly about your feelings.

Be attentive to each other!