House rules

Every person, even the youngest, has boundaries, has personal things and has their own rules. It is very important to figure out how to live in harmony with each other. With the help of family rules, which must be regularly adjusted, you can figure out each other’s unique needs. In addition, rules will help avoid many small everyday conflicts that overshadow life.

If you don’t have house rules, or want to change existing ones, you need to start with a family meeting. Talk with your family and explain that the fixed rules will help all of you every day. It is very important, when proposing and justifying the rules, to adhere to “I-statements”. For example, instead of “you have to put your socks away”, it’s better to say “it’s very important for me to keep things in their places and not to be messy, otherwise I’ll be upset upset, so I want to ask you to accept this rule: all things should be in their place, it’s both beautiful and more comfortable.”

If there is a lot of tension in the family, then you will have to come up with the rules yourself, and not with everyone together. Try to write them in advance, make sure they’re not offensive and are based on "I-statements", try to take into account the interests of all family members.

1. Gather the family together, prepare in advance a list of your rules so that you have a place to start. Determine who will write down the general rules.

2. Give each family member a piece of paper with a pen, even the youngest - they will be able to come up with their own rules.

Rules may apply to:

• household chores;
• communication;
• daily routines;
• the use of electronics, and much more.

3. Go over the lists. Please note that if some “rule” is on the list of only one member of the family, it is likely that it reflects a violation of their personal boundaries.

4. Select the important rules that you are ready to adhere to and formulate them on paper together. Be sure to list the rules suggested by the children on this list. This will help them feel they’re included and involved, and to take the new rules more seriously and adhere to them.

It is important that you adhere to the approved rules. If the children see your violations, no one will take it seriously. Rules should bring families together and not help you be in control of your children.

If there are a lot of rules, try to implement them in parts - 2-3 at a time. This will help everyone smoothly begin to transition.

5. Decide how to react if someone violates the rules - there should be well-known consequences for each violation. Of course, this should not be violent in any form or any kind of abusive punishment.

6. Work out the rules together, add your signatures (and the children - squiggles). Hang the drafted document in a prominent place. It will be an investment in your family’s well-being.

Be attentive to each other!